UPDATE: This post got a mountain of traffic and commentary. The good people at Marmot, Busan Haps, KoreaBridge, and Ask a Korean all linked/reposted it. The post was meant half in jest, half seriously, not so much a “rant” (which I comment I found bizarre), but a psychological displacement into Korean shoes with some wisecracks. I was trying to capture what a Korean policy-maker might really like to say to the Americans. Not everything is my own thinking. Yet, one commenter told me my PhD was bogus, another that I hate America. Yikes. I have to say I am surprised at the explosion of interest, when I feel like a lot of my other posts are richer. Much in this post only tells you what you already know if you’ve been here for awhile. In any case, given the response, I’ll post a more serious take on the US-Korean alliance on Friday and Monday. Blogging is time-consuming. Thank you for reading and for those commenters who were polite.
Regular readers will know that I like President Lee, even if he has a taste for hyper-presidentialization. On October 13 he spoke before the US Congress. It was a good speech that didn’t actually tell you much that you didn’t already know. Because Korea is asymmetrically dependent on the US for exports (Korea’s third biggest market) and for security (the US alliance), Lee couldn’t really level any necessary criticisms.
So here is the speech Lee should have given:
“Thank you for inviting me, but honestly how many of you congressmen know anything about my country? How many of you could name a city in Korea besides Seoul? How many of you recognize Kim Jong-Il’s name but not mine? How many of you think the Choseon Dynasty is the name of a Chinese restaurant in Union Station? So let’s drop the insipid, hollow bonhomie about how this ‘visit will also celebrate the strong bonds of friendship between the American and Korean people.’ Koreans most definitely want that, but for most of you untraveled, monolinguistic congressmen, this relationship is ideological more than real: SK confronts a stalinist rogue onto which Americans project an idealization of democracy vs. the axis of evil. But how many of you congressman have ever travelled to Asia (much less Korea), especially you neo-con hawks who want me to risk nuclear brinksmanship with the North? You’re too busy visiting Israel, and if you learn foreign languages, you bone-headed Americans still go for Spanish or French, because they’re easy with lots of cognates. We learn English like mad, but you couldn’t care less about our language. Lots of Koreans resent your projection of the US values and foreign policy preferences onto a country you are startling ignorant about. We are just too polite to tell you, and we really need your markets and military help so we don’t say it.
Next, WTH is wrong with your political system? The world used to look at you as model. Remember the Washington Consensus? Now the rest of the world thinks you are bonkers. The Tea Party particularly has become a global embarrassment. The same Republicans in this chamber who so desperately want me to pick fight with North Korea also think your president is a Muslim socialist. You run a budget deficit in excess of 10% of GDP; your unemployment rate would generate street riots in my country, and the IMF thinks your debt-to-GDP ratio will top 100% by the end of the decade. Koreans are starting to realize that your politics are astonishingly dysfunctional and that we can’t count on you the way we used to. We want you to be an Asia-Pacific power, but we also know you are broke and that you lost your mind over Islamism in the last decade. Now we are all wondering if you are in decline or not. Just telling us that America is ‘exceptional,’ or that declinism is an overhyped myth is not enough. We live next to China (and Russia, and NK) not you. So get your act together, or we’ll start looking elsewhere soon, and if really pressed we might have to go nuclear.
Next, you better get used to Asia. The war on terror was a big mistake, even if a lot of Korean Christians supported if for the same tribal reasons the Tea party does. For a decade you chased around ghosts, built a fearsome national security state that makes it hard for my citizens to get visa into your country (even though the ‘American and South Korean peoples share deep ties rooted in history’), and convinced my fellow citizens that you are a global bully. Instead of focusing on China with a billion-plus people engaged in the fastest, widest modernization in history, you obsessed over the Middle East to the expense of other areas of interest. We even went to Iraq with you to show our goodwill and commitment.
But there’s no way my electorate will let us pull that stunt again. It’s time for you to think a lot more about how you really want to participate in the world’s fastest growing region. Remember, we Asians buy about half your Treasury bonds. You need us a lot more than you think. You think you have social discontent in the US now? Just wait until all those cheap Asian products your voters have come to expect in Walmart jump in price because you congressmen pick trade wars with a region you know almost nothing about. Bluster about ‘America is an Asian power’ is not enough. You people need to start learning Asian languages, sending your students here for junior years abroad, get your trade policy in order, and generally realize that trouble in places like Israel, NATO, and Pakistan pale in importance to the monumental rise of China and India. In security, the world may be unipolar, but in economics it is multipolar.
Finally, thank you for helping Korean security. Most Koreans are genuinely aware of the US commitment and are grateful for it. (We just wish you weren’t so d— arrogant and condescending about it.) Indeed, you should contrast us with your other allies. We are not insolent trouble-makers like Israel, Turkey, Greece, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, or Pakistan. Nor are gleefully exploitative free-riders like Germany, Japan, and Italy. We carry our weight pretty well. What other medium power allies went to Iraq or fights the Somali pirates?
So yes, we are grateful for the alliance. We like America generally, and we all learn English because of that. But we also wonder why you don’t seem to know anything about our country, even though we are 50 million people, in the G-20, and a far more capable yet loyal ally than almost any other you have. Israel has only 7 million people and they live in a lot less danger than we do, but you obsess about them in a way you never have about us. Given that Asia is rising, while the Middle East has a become a sink-hole of American power, we understand your disinterest in Asia even less. How many more books with titles like ‘when China rules the world’ do you need to read before you realize that your Middle East obsession is ridiculously overwrought? We look forward to the day your English teachers, soldiers, and other expats can speak a little Korean, behave better, and know what the Choseon Dynasty was.’
I want to apologize to US congress that we are also sorry for not having presented a decent representative of all Koreans before you guys.
Really? I actually like LMB. I think has done a pretty good job on the economy (strong growth despite the Great Recession), trade (2 FTAs), and NK (realizing that NK was just gaming the Sunshine Policy for cash). I thought his willingness to visit Detroit and wear that Detroit baseball cap – in what is ground zero for US resentment to trade – was a gutsy outreach. Well done.
That’s my sense anyway. I like the guy.
I am always a keen reader of your blog and this was a brilliant piece!!
I like this piece, too, but would add that Koreans don’t learn English because they like the US. It’s as much about their own nation-building and national pride than anything else, and using education to better their country and, by extension, themselves. Granted, that’s a hell of a lot better than the complacency we have in the US. Likewise, the part about Congress(wo)men not caring about the Korean language might be true, but it’s not a strong a point as the first three sentences in that paragraph.
I think Koreans learn English for national security purposes. The US alliance is central to Korean autonomy in a tough neighborhood – they are encircled and have been stepped on a lot in history. There is no better way to keep the Americans seeing as you as similar to them, and thereby be willing to sacrifice for you. Speaking the language of the patron is the first step in getting the patron to care about you. Americanization in Korea is a national strategy to close the culture gap between the US and Korea, and so make the US more likley to sacrifice for Korean security. Its pretty smart actually, but does raise tough cultural questions about the erosion of Korea’s heritage under a wave of crass American imports.
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Some fair points, lots of hyperbole and questionable logic summoned in support of these points, and dozens of strawmen. Compared to nearly all of your other posts, this is just a scattershot rant, with links.
-Israel does face more danger than the ROK, whose only sworn enemy is the declining DPRK.
-Japan does not deserve to be lumped in with the free-riders, or if Japan does, so does Korea.
-Americans are in record numbers learning an Asian language. But it’s Chinese, spoken by a fifth of the world, not the niche language that is Korean. With English, Koreans are learning a global language that works in Slovenia and Laos. Learning Korean has only one useful outlet for an American, worthy as that is.
-Asian mercantilist states don’t buy Treasury bonds to show the US their love; such purchases are part of the mercantilist policy package.
Well, the piece was partially meant to be rhetorical and a little humorous. Fair enough. A more serious one will follow on Friday.
– I disagree that Israel is in greater danger than the the ROK. It has the finest military in the middle east, deep, tribal support among zionist Christians in the US, nuclear weapons, and militarily weak neighbors and no nearby hegemonic aspirant even close to China’s size. Iran is a threat perhaps, but of unknown proportions. The DRPK by contrast is highly militarized, nuclearized, unpredictable rogue.
– Japan spends 1/3 on defense as a percent of GDP as Korea.
– Read the US congressional invite to President Lee (linked above). The claims it makes about US-Korean fraternity are patently ideological as measured by US interest in Korean culture, most obviously measured by language interest.
– Agreed, but I am not sure I argued against that.
It wasn’t humorous. Stick to your day job. I want the three minutes back I waisted reading it
“hard for my citizens to get visa into your country” [sic]
Well for tourist visas, sure. Good point. I meant more generally. Koreans tell me constantly what an enormous hassle it is to get into the US.
It was that way long before 2001.
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I did find the post humorous and instructive, and much of it true. There is an entire genre of counterfactual history fiction writing which this fits into nicely. With your permission I would even like to use this post sometime for a higher-level undergraduate class to debate, assuming I’ve carefully explained its intent.
Well, it’s out there on the internet, so you hardly need to ask me. But I appreciate that you would think to do so. That is very kind. Please use it with discretion, as it was meant to be a little snide and off-the-cuff. I appreciate the interest.
Thanks for reading.
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